" P "

I know a wonderful boy, ah no, a wonderful man I called P. He is kind and love to smile a lot. But more than anything, he enjoy to see people around him happy.

P was a good friend of mine. One of the best. I knew him for almost 6 months now but I felt like I've known him long before.
He was easy to talked to. In 6 months, he turned from total stranger to a very dear brother. He got all the quality of big brother I ever looking for. Dependable, caring, even disturbing. Funny, silly, many time he prove that he was smart, but the rest of the time he was just as stupid as he looks like. We laugh together on a joke only us understand. With every story, he teach something I didn't know before. for the very first time in my life, I have a best friend that only close to me. Someone who understand me. And someone I thought I understand.

P likes to tell me about his father. I get the impression he admire him very much, but it doesn't meant he really like him. His father was a great man for him. He teach him the right way to living a life.
This story seems stuck in my mind for some reason I can't explain. P told me this some months ago.

When P entered Junior High School he asked his father to gave him a cell phone. His father not easily agreed by this idea. He asked P to make a list about why he need it. So P did. His father read the list and then offered him two choices: 1) His father would buy the cell phone but P must to pay for the prepaid cost by him self; 2) P buy the cell phone by him self and his father would gave him some money monthly to pay the prepaid cost.

His father explained that with new things come new responsibilities. And you must to feel that 'you own' the things to take a good care of it.

His father was a hard man to live with. He could punished his only boy in really bad way. He once made P to took a bath in cold water in the middle of the night because he didn't take one that day. And P also told me his father often use belt from time to time when he made mistake. But P also said that he deserved it. His dad only did that when he thinks P didn't understood why he was wrong and he thinks P would repeat that again.
But despite his way to educate him, his father also love him very much. He always, every single night, entered P bedroom when he already asleep and pray for him next to P's bed. Sometimes P heard him, he would pray for P's future. For P's happiness, for P's success. He did this every single night since P have his own room.
P didn't like his father for his hard way of punishment. But P love his father for everything he had done and not do for him because he made P someone P himself proud to be.

P have a picture of a very pretty woman in his wallet. He told me she was his mother. She died when he was 12. P didn't talk much about her, but by the way his eyes seem softened every time someone mentioned the word Mama, I get the feeling of how much he misses his mother.

P doesn't really comfortable around girls. I think its because he never get use to us in his early life. When he was kid, his mother already sick a lot. And P got no sister. All he have was his father. The only thing his father told him about girls is for him to respect them. And like every thing his father told him, P did that.

P have amazing relationship when he was in high school with his one-year junior. He loved her so much but like every story, this one has it own ending. After 22 months of togetherness, his girl friend asked him to stop date her because she can't stand that now he already graduated. P loves to see people around him happy. And if this relationship didn't made her happy, even if it was hard for him, he respect her and let her go.
He still keep the gifts she gave her, a bottle filled with the paper star where in each of them there's a love quotes she wrote and fold all of it by her self. And there's also a watch P used to wear all the time. And there are thousands picture of them hang around his bed room wall. Yes he still keep them until two moths ago.
Two months ago P told me he put all their photographs in a box. He put the box on the store room. He now use another watch beside the watch she gave him. But he still keep the bottle of star because he valued her ex- effort of it.
I always beside him but I didn't notice this change. I never went to his room so I didn't know he threw all the pictures away if he never tell me. The only thing I noticed was his watch and when I asked where was his usual watch he said he got bored and his father gave him the new one.
I was stupid. He was moving on. I was stupid to didn't get it. I was stupid to didn't know how. I was stupid to didn't know who.
And some weeks ago someone told me that he possibly like me a lot more than I thought he did. And I don't even deny it. I realize I was too stupid before, too stubborn to think we just a very good friend who share the same taste of jokes, same taste of musics, and same taste of books and films.
I've mentioned that I was stupid, right? But the most stupid things I did would be how I react to that. How I avoid every contact we usually have. Why? Because I was afraid that he like me the different way I like him. And if I was stupid for that, the way he handle this was even more mental. It was the most dramatic couple of days I ever been through.

But tonight, finally we sort this things out like a normal person, someone we never be, would do. We talk over the phone. It was quite tense.

First he told me about the whole story behind his watch change, how he removed the pictures on his room. He figured out that I already knew his feeling, but he said it anyway. Say that he likes me. I said that I was happy for his feeling but I explained how I couldn't accept it. I thought this gonna turned into a fight but he was so calmed and relax.

He was my big brother again tonight, someone I was comfortable to be with. Someone I can have a real conversation with. He offered me to forget about his feeling and go on like we used to. But when I asked if he would really forget his feeling for me, he paused. and since the very start I knew we must to lost this things between us.

I was crying when I said he shouldn't be nice to me again. I was crying when I asked him to keep some distance from me until he has sorted his feeling. And I remembered my stomach felt weird when I heard he said "if that's makes you happy, I'll do that."

See? I know a great man I called P Who would do anything to make people around him happy. He was my best friend, and I can't wait to start to be his best friend again :)

for Pepo, I believe we will have even better friendship than this one some day.